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Scooz's Poetry

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Scooz's Poetry

Postby Scooz TJQ » Tue Mar 18, 2008 6:07 am

A collection of my favorite poems. Haven't written any new ones in a while, but the inspiration strikes me at random moments. Most of my poems are open, with no defined structure or rhyme scheme.

Forgotten Prophecies:

Flowering blossoms
like ice in the north
A paraplegic butterfly
with beauty and sorrow untold
Carried by the winds
who sting like fiery kisses
The day to day torment
like a dying laughter
This parishing wonder
missed only by her fading soul

Ethereal War:

Hark, the Stars are falling!
A Titan rises in the East
Heavenly beams reach out to touch
What Angels envy and Mortals covet
But the Lunar deity?s enigmatic smile
Edges around the Daystar?s grip
Denying Him the nocturnal secrets
He hungers to steal from Her
The Firmament twinkles warm colors
Welcoming Dawn?s auric embrace
And saves the crystalline Goddess
From the Phoebus? decrepit light
She is safe for one more day
Until Twilight?s lethargy engulfs the sky
Sacrificing the Queen of the Heavens
To the Solar God?s defacement

My Stupid Lil Poem:

There is a calling from deep within my soul
A yearning to feeling whole again
To make this awful pain go away
My mind screams at me to make it stop
This plaguing pain lingers in the depths of body
I struggle as I take two soft spongy pillows
And place them together with dense, beige filling
A peanut butter sandwich to cure my hunger

My Machine:

He is mine and no other?s
His crystalline, poetic eyes shine
Like shimmering pools of smoky grey
And I can see the soul within
More profound than
The most cultured and educated philosopher
I hold out a hand and beckon him to me
The lovely machine that is his body turned
He comes to me and is still, waiting
I touch him and know he is mine
Running my inquisitive fingers along his unblemished body
His figure is sculpted like a Roman god
But there is a hint of electricity to him that is intoxicating
Oh, how I love this exotic and uncanny entity
Caressing his sensuous lips with my own, I mark him
Raking my nails down his shoulders
Leaving incarnadine trails of yearning and control
My lovely does not flinch, does not complain
His submissiveness makes me love and hate him more
This beautiful creature of unconditional obedience
?Do you love me?? I whisper in his ear
?I worship you.? He answers.
He is mine but his devotion is nothing more than idolatry
He gives me his paradisiacal physical manifestation, nothing more
I can never possess the unfathomable soul lurking just beyond my reach
He thinks me his goddess, but he is my god and I secretly worship him
Because he is so untouchable even in the circle of my arms
Because I truly love him and how he has enslaved my soul
The bittersweet irony that I should worship this machine of mine
And that he should worship me, not knowing that with every touch
He takes another piece of me, is the cruelest torture I have ever suffered

Dementia, The Sound of Wind:

A resonant thunder
Blue lightning flash

A quiet but raw
Scream
Falls
Unheard
From my lips

I can feel it
Wandering
In the corners
In the shadows
Of my mind

Neurosis

Scratching
Clawing
Biting
Gnawing

I can hear it
A resounding pain

Throbbing
Pulsating
Against the confines
Of my psyche

But to no avail
Can I stop it

It burns me
Sears and singes

Neurasthenia
Hysteria
Derangement
Insanity

It does not end

I fall
Deeper
Into oblivion
No escape

Nothing

But my sanity
And solidarity





:falling:





:splat:

And on my epitaph they will write ?Maggot Bait??

Celestial Goddess

In the beginning
A single tear fell
From the cheek of a Goddess
Alone in a vast and empty void
Drifting in her own little niche
The untainted abyss filled her life
Every breath brought
Another perpetual moment
Prolonging her suffering
Sadness laced in her eyes
But from her silver tear drop
Sprang the glory that is the universe
From darkness came light
The suns frolicked about her feet
The stars tangled in her hair
A translucent oasis
Of blackened drapes
Filtered insubstantial
Seas of velvet
And rained luminous comets
Like artificial tears of light
And moons revealed mysterious depths
Of her longing desire
Companionship
She sang with the joy
From the miracle that is the cosmos
The celestial bodies brought her bliss
Her aura glowed with ecstasy
A shimmering smile
Danced upon her lips
But it remained
She still longed for a companion
To share her happiness and sorrow
Her secrets and her passions
Desolate cries unheard
She screamed
A scream that shattered the skies
And through the skies
Came a sound
Of rejoice and anguish
Uncovering the nadir
Of the zenith
Of the transcendental, macrocosmic fissure
And with it came an explosion
That sent the stars and the suns scattering
Throughout space
And all that was left
A God
A companion
And together the Goddess and the God
Reigned over all
The eternal chasm of the universe
Unfathomable, incomprehensible
Only surpassed by the intangible love
The Goddess and the God shared
Uh oh. I spy haterz!

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"Monday: Hot dog, Tuesday: Taco, Wednesday: Hamburgers and chocolate milk, Thursday: Sloppy joes and burritos in a bag. Friday was pizza day, the best day of the week! It always came with salad and a side of cold green beans. Hurry for pizza day! Hurry for pizza day! I miss pizza day. The best day of the week!" ~Aquabats <3


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Scooz's Poetry

Postby hajtom » Tue Mar 18, 2008 8:53 am

Your in love aren't you.

XD

Hahahah Good to have you back Scooz! I'll read those later

Hope you stay! Cuz Avren 2 is comming! And your servants await you my Empress!
Last edited by hajtom on Tue Mar 18, 2008 8:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Mika Hayami » Tue Mar 18, 2008 2:12 pm

So deep. So beautiful. Bravo!

And the one about the sandwich made me laugh.
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Scooz's Poetry

Postby Scooz TJQ » Tue Mar 18, 2008 11:16 pm

Yea, I love the sandwich one too. Nothing more inspirational than food XD

Thanks Hanya, I hope to stick around for Avren 2. I want to dominate the Fire Nation this year.
Uh oh. I spy haterz!

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"Monday: Hot dog, Tuesday: Taco, Wednesday: Hamburgers and chocolate milk, Thursday: Sloppy joes and burritos in a bag. Friday was pizza day, the best day of the week! It always came with salad and a side of cold green beans. Hurry for pizza day! Hurry for pizza day! I miss pizza day. The best day of the week!" ~Aquabats <3


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Scooz's Poetry

Postby Kuku » Wed Mar 19, 2008 12:01 am


Your in love aren't you.



right...you would know...

lmao, nice poems, they're really deep and cool though I don't like romantic ones

:)
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Scooz's Poetry

Postby hajtom » Thu Mar 20, 2008 3:04 pm

Hahaha Read your peoms again. XD ANd I really like the one called "My Machine" hahaha!

Make more Scooz!
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Postby Kuku » Thu Mar 20, 2008 6:38 pm

LOL my stupid lil poem is pretty cool XD
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Scooz's Poetry

Postby Scooz TJQ » Thu Mar 20, 2008 8:19 pm

Thanks guys.
Uh oh. I spy haterz!

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"Monday: Hot dog, Tuesday: Taco, Wednesday: Hamburgers and chocolate milk, Thursday: Sloppy joes and burritos in a bag. Friday was pizza day, the best day of the week! It always came with salad and a side of cold green beans. Hurry for pizza day! Hurry for pizza day! I miss pizza day. The best day of the week!" ~Aquabats <3


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Postby sukkah » Fri Mar 21, 2008 3:35 am

i figured your poem isn't just for reading. it's also for unlocking! *blues clues theme song*


(these are all ravings... im not a licensed poem-deconstructor-thingy, lol)


Forgotten Prophecies

im not sure why flowering blossoms is compared to ice in the north. the only thing i can compare is that they are both pretty. yeah, im pretty lame. and the paraplegic butterfly, hmm.. maybe because the prophecy/news/letter/am i even in the right track? took too long to reach her. she's dead because of her "fading soul" or she's disinterested?

the line i don't understand most is parishing wonder.... im not sure what parishing means. oh, maybe, like ice in the north because that flowering blossom is a metaphor for a promise (like a prophecy that gives light to what the future will offer cause he promised that certain thing), which was full of life and hope, but now it has gone cold like ice and the girl is now disinterested. so it's all about love! i know im way off....

Ethereal War

this one is kinda overwhelming, with a lot of imagery and a dollop of beautiful words stringed together. it gives the reader a good kick in their imagination, which is good (i sound like my english teacher xD). if i look at it in a simple way, it's the changing of night and day. all these stuff happens while the sun goes down and the moon goes up. the titan is the sun, since in greek mythology, titans represented the awesome forces in earth (like ocean, rivers, nature).

so in this poem, he's helios, rising from the east. but then the lunar deity smiles as her time comes to envelope the world in darkness again, "denying him (the sun) nocturnal secrets". and then the firmament starts twinkling, the sun again rising, dawn approaching. the cycle starts all over again, the lunar goddess safe once again from the sun (this reminds me of that mythology about the moon deceiving the sun when she hid the stars which made the sun chase her, prompting the cycle of night and day).

the last two lines are... hard to decipher. *puts on indiana jones glasses* hmmm... why would twilight's appearance sacrifice the queen of the heavens? if the queen is the moon, and she is sacrificed to the sun's defacement, then it must be about... preventing the sun in defacing the moon? because she's protected by twilight's embrace, and she hides and she can't be touched by the sun... but she is only safe until twilight comes so what i just said doesn't make any sense. oh bother, i need my thinking chair.

My Stupid Lil Poem

according to data, this poem is all about coping with sadness. possibly because of (don't hit me please) breaking up

now i know by experience (not about love though) that sometimes, eating helps someone cope with pain. so... it appears that ms. scooz is very partial to peanut butter sandwiches when in figurative pain. mmm... im getting hungry myself... oh, and your poem isn't stupid. that guy who broke up with you is!

My Machine

i love this poem more compared to the others. it reminds me of coin-operated boy, a dresden dolls song. i have no idea what im going to say but i think that machine you are describing is a camera (>.<) i just got sold on the idea after that line "his crystalline poetic eyes shine/like shimmering pools of smoky grey" and then the last few lines, that mention about taking a piece of you. it's like during every picture, a camera takes a piece of you, a memory, storing it in its electric body.plus worshipping someone's camera is not unheard of. though i felt unsure about this when you described it as "sculpted like a roman god". a camera sculpted to perfection hmm... maybe a casio, but they're too slim and sexy... or a panasonic, but they're fat... maybe an olympus... even the name sound so... godlike.

Dementia, the Sound of Wind

this one i felt more artsy than the others. i still like My Machine more though. this one is probably describing madness as it happens in someone's brain. a "blue lightning flash," like those inconsistent bursts of ideas that prompt them to do something crazy. or something else entirely sinister, like the paranoia of a madman appearing as bursts of lightning inside his head. the raw scream is like a scream of terror because the persona doesn't like being crazy. i know i wouldn't.

the resounding pain and then "just around the corner" thing signals that complete dementia is coming. and then sanity falls into oblivion. it falls... almost nothing.. wait... someone's coming... it's... godzillaaaa nooooooooo!!!!

nah, im not yet insane. but i can't understand the last line again. you have a penchant for writing complex last lines. hmmm... maggot bait.... a person who is crazy is worthless and has no future, like a maggot being used as a bait to catch for fish. gah, i know you're already tearing your hair off with all these crazy nonsense of mine, lol.

Celestial Goddess

this one felt more straightforward than the others. a creation story with a goddess as the protagonist, creating a universe through a single tear (oohhhh the power). i love how you made good use of imagery again. you have a way with those crazy adjectives i can't handle. and they string beautifully together, like it fits each other. example:

Seas of velvet
And rained luminous comets
Like artificial tears of light

*awe*

though there's this kinda redundant line. the uncovering nadir, zenith thing. it's already understood that nadir is opposite of the zenith so it's.. umm... *cringe* it's not really a red, glaring pimple in your poem though. just something i noticed.

anyway, the last four lines of this poem is probably the best. a god springing from a goddess and then loving her unconditionally, awww. it's almost like a scene from all those immortal disney films.


so this ends my interpretation of your amazing poems. i know im way off in most of what i said. i did my best in sorting out everything (without blue's help). i hope you don't kill me. just kidding.


i was actually inspired to write a haiku to express my feelings.

scooz, you make good poems
i like your poems, they are good
scooz, write more, please please

yeah, i know its somewhat deranged, but still.





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Postby Scooz TJQ » Fri Mar 21, 2008 8:58 pm

Wow, my first (somewhat) constructive criticism XD Thank you, sukkah, I really appreaciate it. Let's see.

In the Forgotten prophecies, the comparison of the flower to the ice is to build an image of a flower that is beautiful, but has a cold feeling to it because this is about pain. Butterflies are attracted to flowers, so it was basically a really short intro to the scenery, lol. The butterfly has broken wings and missing legs (thus paraplegic) and it causes constant pain for her, especially with the wind throwing it around to the point that she knows nothing but the pain. She was stepped on carelessly, showing her insignificance to the world around her, which is why she is missed only by her fading soul.

You confusion on the Ethereal war is you are trying too hard to figure it out, lol. Inorder for the moon to hide from the sun, she must disappear behind the horizon before the sun's beams capture her. So when twilight arrives, it is a chance for the sun to capture her, which is why I said twilight "sacrifices" her, it does not care if the moon's secrets are stolen. The dawn is the one that saves her, because the moon has usually set around dawn, but the moon is often visible early during twilight, so it is more dangerous at that time for the moon...get it?

Hahaha, the stupid lil poem is not too much of a break up poem, but it was during a stressful time and pb sandwich is a comfort food to me, lol.

You are close with My Machine. The poem embodies my love for photography into the male character of the poem. Not a lot of people catch onto that, so it surprised me that you mentioned it. Good job, lol. Karma.

Dementia was...an odd poem when I wrote it. It was not my normal style, but I inspiration struck me because i felt like I was losing my mind, lol. You describe it very well, it is like the insanity is coming for me throughout the poem.

In Celestial Goddess, the nadir/zenith thing is because the universe is so infinite and it is hard to describe it, so that is the best way I think to describe it.

Anyway, thanks for the review, sukkah. It was nice to see that you really studied what I wrote because a lot of it is not meant to be taken at face value. Karma.
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"Monday: Hot dog, Tuesday: Taco, Wednesday: Hamburgers and chocolate milk, Thursday: Sloppy joes and burritos in a bag. Friday was pizza day, the best day of the week! It always came with salad and a side of cold green beans. Hurry for pizza day! Hurry for pizza day! I miss pizza day. The best day of the week!" ~Aquabats <3


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Postby sukkah » Sat Mar 22, 2008 7:46 am


You confusion on the Ethereal war is you are trying too hard to figure it out, lol. Inorder for the moon to hide from the sun, she must disappear behind the horizon before the sun's beams capture her. So when twilight arrives, it is a chance for the sun to capture her, which is why I said twilight "sacrifices" her, it does not care if the moon's secrets are stolen. The dawn is the one that saves her, because the moon has usually set around dawn, but the moon is often visible early during twilight, so it is more dangerous at that time for the moon...get it?


ohhhhh..... darn, that was that simple? my mind was actually jumping back in history and mythology trying to figure that one out xD. all along, it's just the play of light and darkness that explains that bit.

one thing i forgot to mention was that you write in a universal language. that enables the readers to connect easier with your poems because they are in on it too. having a universal emotion and yet, personalizing it through one's own language is for me, a mark of a good poet. that's why i don't like modern poetry much. they personalize it too much that it's only them who can understand it. you have to know how the poet thinks, his biography, and any other stuff about him just to understand what he says.
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Postby hajtom » Sat Mar 22, 2008 1:13 pm

3 cheers to Sukkah! A karma for you!

Hahahah! I could never given such reactions. Just don't have the ability to deciphering poems. And Reading both your posts(scooz and yours) made me learn a lot. Hahaha!
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Postby Scooz TJQ » Sat Mar 29, 2008 11:40 pm

Thanks sukkah, glad you like them.


Hajtom, there is a reason they make you read poetry in school XD You can never take them at face value...though, beware of the ones that are openly cryptic...if that makes any sense, lol.
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"Monday: Hot dog, Tuesday: Taco, Wednesday: Hamburgers and chocolate milk, Thursday: Sloppy joes and burritos in a bag. Friday was pizza day, the best day of the week! It always came with salad and a side of cold green beans. Hurry for pizza day! Hurry for pizza day! I miss pizza day. The best day of the week!" ~Aquabats <3


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